It’s wedding season, bitches.

I’ve wanted to start this dating blog for months, and today my friends is the day! The shit that happens to me is just too funny and ridiculous not to share.  I’ve been “single” now for what’s going on 2 years (or is it 3? Who gives a crap, it's been awhile) since I moved out of my boyfriend’s apartment and today is his wedding day. I didn’t think I would care since I broke it off with him and never looked back, but after taking down a large Lou Malnati’s pizza, watching my third episode of My Fair Wedding on the WE network, and finally having the balls to write my first blog post I’m thinking it’s gotten to me.  The worst part of today though was the decision to order and finish the pizza. It was a thin crust BTW, I'm not that big of a cow...geeez. I have two weddings coming up in the next month where I plan on meeting some eligible bachelors so I have to look hot and fit into my summer wedding attire, which of course is not a wedding dress, but a bridesmaid dress. I best start my detox tomorrow.

As we embark on the summer wedding season let’s consult my two favorite womanizers, John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey from one of my favorite movies, Wedding Crashers. These two animals live by what they call, “Wedding Crashers’ Code.” There are 112 codes they live by. I’ve narrowed down the code and instead of a code to crash by you can use my top twelve to pick up members of the opposite sex at any of your weddings this summer.

Rule#1 Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
Rule#2 Be the life of the party.
Rule#3 Blend in by standing out.
Rule#4 Fight to tell the truth.
Rule#5 Deep down, most people hate themselves. This knowledge is the key to most bedroom doors.
Rule#6 When it stops being fun, break something.
Rule#7 Bridesmaids are desperate - console them.
Rule#8 Bring an extra umbrella when it rains. Courtesy opens more legs than charm.
Rule#9 You love animals and children.
Rule#10 Shoes say a lot about the man.
Rule#11 No “chicken dancing” - no exceptions.
Rule#12 Etiquette isn’t old-fashioned. It’s sexy.

Happy dating,

L