The 97% Theory
A friend and I were talking over a bottle of Sex...champagne that is. It was the closest thing to it that we could find that night. As the bubbles started to get to our heads, we came up with the 97% theory. 97% of the guys in Chicago are douchebags. Period. OK, OK, maybe a little harsh but if you are a guy reading this and find yourself offended, consider yourself lucky to be a part of the 3%. Oh, and I would like to meet you and shake your hand.
Unfortunately for us, the 3% are made up of family members, reformed husbands or boyfriends' of friends and the rare, almost extinct good guy. This elusive species is harder to find than the bald eagle. As we sat there scratching our heads wondering how this could have happened and where it all went wrong, I saw a guy buy the girl next to him a drink and a few seconds later they were making out. Really? Get a room! Well...they didn't wait long. Quite the thank you if I’d ever seen one. After a few sessions at the bar, they left hand in hand groping one another and sure enough went home to seal the deal. The light went on...why would guys (or some girls to be fair) settle for one when you can have one every night you step foot into the bar? Girls give it up too easily and guys can’t resist the temptation. Girls have become sex crazed animals who instead of beating them have joined them. Have women become the lion in this scenario and not the zebra?
Both sexes have teamed up to out one night stand one another, thus leaving us with the largest group of singles ever and the divorce rate at an all time high of 50%. If Oprah was still on-air I would write her a little letter about the 97% theory and ask her to shed some light on the issue. Maybe the world’s most powerful woman could help reverse the curse. But for now, we’ll just have to sit back, relax and enjoy funny stories about the 97%. It’s the 97% movement, beware, it’s catchy.
Happy hunting for that 3% ladies, they’re out there. And when you find them let me know where.
XO
S
